A Study In Pistanthrophobia: The Fear Of Trusting Someone.

Trust is often misleading. We trust those who deceive us at every step, and tend to fear to trust those who have only helped us in our paths.

I often wondered why.

Why is it that we seek attention from people who seem to not care, and never care about those people who spend every second of their attention on us?
Why do we worry about being hurt when we are hurting someone else?
Why are we unable to think or pursue the thoughts of people whom we have hurt?
Why are we so selfish when most of us announce that we indeed are selfless?

All I heard in my head was WHY??!

I kept thinking and I still do at night. We humans have a knack of choosing what we cannot attain.
We keep aiming for the impossible, and during this race towards the unknown, we often… actually, we always… miss the possible. For us, trusting is a challenge. No matter what has happened before, whether it was broken or kept forever, we will always test anyone and everyone on whether they really do deserve our trust or not.
During that analysis, we set boundaries. Boundaries that are defined by the factors that actually play no role whatsoever in trusting someone. We lay off boundaries based on how the person interprets what we say, how they seem to be after hearing what we had to say and what the person decides to respond back to what we just said.
What people fail to realize is that sometimes we say what we never intend to, and understand something we never wished for.

For example, a simple “hi” can be interpreted in many different ways. The interpretation depends on the tone of the voice, the emotion of the speaker, the gestures of the person, etc. So trusting or not trusting someone on how they respond or talk to us is actually and quite frankly baseless.

If a person is said to be hurt due to someone breaking their trust, they won’t trust anyone too soon. But you’ll always find that a person wishing to trust someone. It is in their nature. It is in all of our natures. If something is once broken, we experiment on finding out how it could be fixed or prevented. And just like every other experiment, we take precautions beforehand so as not to have the whole mission blown in our very face.
The person, let’s call him/her A, warns people off by saying that he/she doesn’t trust them, or they are not expected to be trusted, but deep inside, A wishes that people challenge his/her defence. That they break down his/her wall and get to the other side.
Why?
Simply because A wants to be proved wrong. A needs to know, deep down, that not everyone will break their trust. Not everyone would lie and cheat and deceive. The fact that they wish something like this happens is proof that they don’t wish to be hurt. They want to seal their wounds with bandages of trust and bonds. Bonds that they wish never end. Trust that they yearn that never fail.

The problem that occurs in this wishful thinking is that the chance they give out is not always the correct chance. There’s a probability of them getting hurt again. There are often instances when their trust has been landed on the wrong person.

Why? Why is that they trust the wrong person again? Do they want to?? Obviously not. To them, the person who hurt them the first time is now a stereotype. If they find someone they same way; talks the same, walk the same, behaves the same etc; they automatically block the person out without another look. But if a new person enters, who they know nothing about, they give it a chance. I’m not saying its wrong, hell I have done it too, but it’s the mindset that counts. To A, trusting the same type of person involves the same thought process and emotions. But with a different type of a person, it’s a whole new set of emotions and thoughts. The varied subjects and feelings attracts A into a different universe where they think: If I trust this person, will I be able to seal the gap inside me?
But there is always a chance for this person to be just like always.
He/she could betray A and leave or stay.
If they betray A, they live off normally while A is swallowed whole into their conscience and guilt of: HOW COULD YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON IN??
If they stay with A, then A would always expect a day when they break their promise and leave, cause that’s what everyone has done till now, haven’t they??

There is never a time when A can truly feel secure. Cause no matter how much you straighten a crumpled paper, there will be creases.

A person who trusts and is trusted are those types of people who always live in fear. The fear of being hurt or hurting someone. Normally those who break peoples trust don’t care much for the other person, but there are some human beings who do. Not all idiots are assholes. Remember that.
And the person who trust, fears of betrayal the most. The betrayal of a person with whom they have been themselves, in their most vulnerable environment; their comfort zone has been evaded and they were the one to let them in.

Then there are those who have been hurt and not being hurt.
Those who have been, live in the fear of being hurt again, cause what’s to stop it this time, eh?
Those who have never been hurt will never stay that way. There will come a day when they are hurt; but their fear will be different. They fear, whether they will live through it or not.

So through my thinking, I have come to one conclusion.
No matter who we are, what we went through and who we trusted, we will always live in fear of trusting someone.
It isn’t easy to let people in, nor is it easy to get close to someone who lets us in. So if ever you come across this emotion, trust your gut and move on. Cause we’ll always be afraid of something or the other, but the fact that we can still walk with that fear is what makes us strong.

___________________________________________________

Edit: I have tried to correct my grammatical mistakes.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “(Your Thing) forΒ Dummies.”

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39 thoughts on “A Study In Pistanthrophobia: The Fear Of Trusting Someone.

  1. Nice post :).
    Came across this at a time when I was going through similiar emotions.

    Thank you. Indeed this post brought in a felling of fresh thoughts in me.

    Like

    • I don’t understand how your in college. You have terrible grammar and many spelling errors . You switch back and forth from their to I to you . The only type of person who finds this interesting is a 16 year old girl.

      Like

      • Grammar and spelling mistakes can be corrected at some point of time, but rudeness cannot.

        Oh and PS: its you’re* not your

        Thank you.

        Like

      • I am a man, far from 16 and I find this blog to be quite good. I also find that people named Alyssa, in my experience, are rude and fake. This is, of course, an extreme generalization which I wrote to make you feel that deep annoyance for a person who throws a comment at you with absolutely no base to it whatsoever. And as the author or “op” said, its you’re not your.
        Thank you and goodnight. JD

        Liked by 1 person

  2. so narrow minded. who cares about being hurt, or being betrayed except for insecure females and girly men. you will soon get bored of the good stuff since you seem to feed and be enlightened by trauma and sadness. then there are those in which society provides little or no love to. Some of these are the happiest people i ever met,
    well done for begining to understand “your” feelings

    Like

    • It is you who seems to be narrow minded thinking only “insecure females and girly men” feel like this.
      What I wrote, is what I felt, and I’m neither of the above. If you have an issue with what I write or how I write it, then please do not feel obliged to comment. Spreading hate won’t get you anywhere.

      Like

    • So if you get molested by family when you’re very young and can no longer correlate trust with anything because you loved that person so much but they reduced you to nothing. So you try to reason in your head how trust could mean anything if love doesn’t mean anything. What generalization does that person get put in to? When you don’t even know what is what anymore because if someone you loved could do that why wouldn’t a stranger kill you right on the spot. People don’t have phobias because they’re insecure or girly they have deep dark rooted fears because they’ve been hurt worse than dying. You obviously don’t know what that’s like. I hope you feel comfortable in your ignorance.

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    • You’re trying to rationalize a phobia.. What are you even doing? That’s like saying “you guys are dumb I own spiders” to an article about arachnophobia.

      Like

  3. This blogger seems only accept positive comments, and no critical opinion. It completely displays the negative aspects of the text presented here. Well there is one critical comment, but it is kept in there for this blogger to have the upper-hand. Had the blogger have kept my comments in here, it is certain there would be plenty of people disagreeing with me and agreeing with the blogger. Maybe the blogger has looked far too deeply in to this concept. I am happy to debate and provide you with more details about my own views. It could be the start of a real discussion on the topic, and not a closed topic stamped with fact.

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  4. The most important razor-sliced essay I have read in the time scale of a year. Thanks for clarifying my past emotions so precisely. You must be gifted or maybe we are just like-minded.

    Like

  5. I get the point and the perspective of the article writer but I must admit some where along the line her grammar fell apart and it was excruciating difficult to understand what she was trying to express in her write up.

    How ever I also bared in mind English language may not be the writer’s 1st language but God please try and get your written articles proof read before publishing it online to avoid you getting the ranting trolls having ago at you for your poorly English grammar.

    But on a positive note I get the message of this article write up all the same, about trust, insecurities and betrayal etc. Sadly its the everyday human trait, people will always encounter from time to time in life.
    In my life time I have seen a lot and even experienced it too but I am more the wiser person because of that.

    Like

    • Yes, I have been working on grammar and its getting better, so thank you for understanding my point of perspective. Also, yes, I have started getting my articles proof read before uploading it online.

      Thank you for your views and appreciation, it helps to know that there are people out there who sometimes do look away from the faults and appreciate the effort.

      Like

  6. -English is not my first lenguage. Bear my spelling and grammar mistakes, please.-

    Well, maybe not all of us are afraid of getting hurt. I mean, in my personal experience, I have seen how people get hurt, give another try, and get hurt again. I have never once heard them (or sensed them) saying they were scared. They just have faith in what “God”–or whoever you believe is up there–is the one who is taking control of their lives and shit. I personally don’t agree to it, but I have seen how, even when hurt, they are able to keep being strong and move on in record time. Why? Because “God” said so. (I’m sorry if I sound rude to religious people, I am just trying to explain my point of view.) Maybe it’s a natural defense mechanism humans have against hurt. After all, getting hurt is only natural; it has to happen. No matter what you do, where you go, where you are, who you assosiate with–you will get hurt, and you need to embrace it.

    Promises are meant to be broken, and trust’s faith is to be betrayed.

    (For the record: I am not hating, I am against “hating”, honestly. I am simply stating another point of view. Also, I know the struggles with handling a second lenguage… so I wish you success in your mastering it, even though your “bad grammar” wasn’t really a problem when delivering your opinions and conclusions.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with your point of view too, but me being an atheist, believing in anyone but myself is not my type of security, hence the post.
      But I do get the point you’re trying to put across. And like every other opinion I do respect it and wish to further read on it and stuff. Thanks for this comment and your support ^_^
      And yes, I do hope my tries for improving my grammar works.
      πŸ™‚

      Like

    • Thank you for your kind words and compliments πŸ™‚
      I try to think from every point of view that is present, and that helps me understand a lot πŸ™‚

      I hope this helped you… and if it did, then I’m extremely glad I could be of some help πŸ™‚

      Like

    • Hi Micky, could you please suggest what can be done to get a person out of pistanthrophobia. It will be very kind if you could write me few quick tips or suggestions that I really want for someone I care a lot. She is bitten by trust issue that left her alone after a long relationship of 10 years.
      Much appreciated and will wait for ur reply on my email! Many thanks in advance…

      Like

  7. β€» Pistanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad)
    β€» Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD)
    β€» Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( CPTSD – includes “the syndrome that follows upon prolonged, repeated trauma.” , https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Lewis_Herman , https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder )

    my name: Joung In Ho
    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001725624549
    https://plus.google.com/u/0/113554861823058025065/posts

    Like

  8. Nice post is so nice you are like a psychic,your words touched my innermost feelings that am so energized after yesterday which officially was the most terrible day of my life it was like the clash of the Titans, two persons I hold so dearly and trust turn out to be “traidors’i was in so much pain and doubt and here I am feeling all good. thanks “Doc”u have got a nice prescription for pain relievers.LOL and is also astonishingly surprising that one can categorize the kind of persons the post is made for.tsk tan is a must read for everyone.. am gonna borrow this post
    ……And TO HELL WITH THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!nice one KUDOS

    Like

    • Hey Esther, I know there are times when you feel its all done and gone and its over and it will never be good again, but remember that something good is always there for you. Imagine it to be just around the corner and keep going, trust me you will find it… Or maybe it will find you πŸ™‚

      Thanks for your wonderful words and comments. If you ever need a friend to talk to, I’m always here πŸ™‚

      Like

  9. You have hit the nail on the head with this post. To the commenter who said they haven’t heard someone express that they are afraid of being hurt, I myself have openly expressed this to many people. I have literally pushed people away, on the simple fact I do not wish to be hurt once I feel myself starting to trust them. I am to the point with love where I feel I maybe better off alone, because the fear of being hurt is so utterly consuming. Not trusting even the simplest of words from someone. Soul consuming even.
    I believe in higher power, God, but do not put the actions of others in his hands. We all make our own decisions, and must take our blame for ourselves, not put it into our own individual Gods hands. I have come to realize even the most trusting being will hurt me. We are human, full of flaws, and I honestly believe no one can be trusted. Hence better to be alone. Yet I am a social creature, and find myself yearning to trust, wanting that one being who will not hurt me. The whole while questioning every motive they have. It is something that honestly cant be controlled. You can try and shove it down, but it will always be there.
    You are absolutely correct about the guilt of letting someone in when you do get hurt. I honestly do not blame or hold a grudge against that person. Only myself for being ignorant enough to let someone in. Sad sad process really. But thank you so much for your very insightful article, and letting people know they aren’t the only person out there with this honest fear.

    Like

    • Yes, I agree with you and your feeling of not being able to trust someone so easily or let them have the power to hurt you. Even after so many years of being, well, happily trusted I still have the fear of being betrayed or having my trust broken by many people. And I believe it’s a fear that doesn’t go easily.
      Its either a win-win or a lose-lose situation for this fear. You either stay strong and will minded and not give the power to any one, or you stay lonely cause you don’t let anyone close enough to know you.
      Its very hard to be true to this feeling in this world where almost everything and every feeling has a social need to be overly expressed and assumed.
      Thank you for your comment and your views, if you ever need a friend to talk to, you’ve got one now πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. Thank you for writing this. It is an all too real assessment of how people react to betrayal and the long lasting effects it can have in your life. Unfortunately I was involved with someone who had extreme trust issues yet lied and cheated on everyone just to keep from getting to close. When I found out the truth he turned on me saying “this is why I don’t trust people…after you begged me to let you in and this is what happens…you betrayed my trust” Yet he was the one involved with multiple other women and hid them all from me.

    I never thought I would be that person that can’t trust people but after the betrayal I have experienced I no longer trust myself to be a good judge of character.
    https://perceptionsofjoi.wordpress.com/

    Like

  11. This has actually been really enlightening and may help me to get through to my current significant other on the matter. Thank you for posting this study, I will !most definitely refer back to it in the future.

    Like

  12. I have been trying to find the words for these emotions I’ve been feeling and it’s like you reached inside my head and wrote it all down. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I am forever grateful.

    Liked by 1 person

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